


So You Want to Ride the Wave

by Mal-3 (The_Fenspace_Collective)



Category: Fenspace
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:57:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fenspace_Collective/pseuds/Mal-3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>#1 in the <i>Handy Guide to Living in Fenspace</i> series, this pamphlet provides basic instructions on how to use handwavium to the best possible effect, based on tips and guidelines from handwavium experts! A must-have for all newbie mad scientists!</p>
            </blockquote>





	So You Want to Ride the Wave

_A guide to handwavium for the newbie and the perpetually perplexed_

copyleft 2023 Soviet Document Office

Hey there! You’re interested in joining the greatest technological revolution since our ancestors figured out how to use sharp sticks and fire, but don’t know where to begin? Well, let us provide some simple answers for you, and then you can begin waving things in safety and comfort.

## How Handwavium Works

Exactly how handwavium works is unclear. We know that when applied to an object it sinks in and then modifies the object roughly according to how the user (that’s you!) wants it to change. A car becomes a flying car, or a sheet of plastic becomes super-strong. For the original Fen explorers and settlers of the solar system this worked well enough for them. However, in these civilized times we’ve learned more about how to control the waving process, so you don’t have to dress funny and wave chickens about to make things work!

(That is, of course, unless you want to. Lots of people do, and we won’t judge.)

## Know Your Handwavium

Handwavium comes in all sorts of varieties. The important thing to remember is that while there are hundreds of different strains of handwavium, there’s only three main types:

  * **Solid handwavium** is used in the manufacture of power systems and electronics. It’s grey to dark grey in color, has a sort of plasticy texture and is heavier than it looks. You can dissolve it in water or alcohol to produce liquid handwavium.
  * **Liquid handwavium** is a grey liquid with the viscosity of a good quality engine oil. This is the stuff used as a base for just about everything when waving an object.
  * **Biomod handwavium** is a greenish-grey paste with the consistency of mayonnaise or a thick salsa. If you’re not looking to modify yourself keep this stuff a good distance away at all times!



Strains of handwavium are everywhere. Every Fen engineer has one or two favorite varieties of the stuff kicking around. Most of them are named like different pot breeds. The average newbie doesn’t really need to know what the strains are, but these are the ones you’re most likely to run into when buying handwavium for the first time:

  * _Harpo:_ This liquid strain is used on combustion engines and rockets. It’s a lighter grey than standard handwavium, almost a silver color. Great for flying cars or space-capable vehicles.
  * _TelTran-5:_ If you own any commercial pre-waved gear, then you’ve already got some. This solid strain is a low-quirk one used for computer power cells and chipsets.
  * _Mary Rose:_ A popular strain in Europe, used for cameras and projector work mostly. It has a distinct pinkish tone to it. Comes in solid and liquid forms.
  * _Golden Sunset:_ If you’re waving in the Americas, this is the most reliable handwavium on the market. Golden Sunset is an all-purpose wave developed by TSAB.
  * _DragonCon Guacamole:_ This stuff is everywhere. The original biomod handwavium, it’s available in raw form or in a variety of sub-breeds.



## Plan Accordingly

Once you’ve got your handwavium, you need to figure out what you’re going to do with it. Every project is different and the assumptions you make going in will affect the overall outcome.

You probably weren’t able to buy a lot of handwavium, so if you’re making something big you’re going to have to breed some. Handwavium breeding is easy, but it can be incredibly frustrating also. Give your handwavium some raw materials and see what it does with it. If the material starts to dissolve, then give it more. If not, then try something else. This is the frustrating part of wave breeding, figuring out what your wave wants. Thankfully almost all commercial strains don’t require anything fancy or esoteric; you should be able to breed using common household materials or just junk lying around.

Curing handwavium is also a good idea, if you’ve got the time for it. To cure handwavium you simply place it in a tightly-sealed container and then stick it in a place reminiscent of what you want the handwavium to do. For extra responsiveness you can stick small containers under your bed at night, though we are in no way responsible for weird looks you might get from parents or partners. Curing can go from a week to years - the handwavium used in the famous Project Artemis refits spent almost two years curing.

While all this is going on it’s a good idea, if you haven’t already, to plan out the waving job. Decide what needs to get waved and what you don’t want to get waved. The more things you leave undecided, the more the handwavium will make decisions for you. If you’re cool with that go right ahead.

## Site Preparation

You’ll want a nice and large space to work once you’ve got your handwavium. Preferably you’ll want some ventilation - handwavium doesn’t fume often, but it can and plenty of air circulation is the best way to avoid an accidental biomod. Think of it like doing a DIY oil change or any other sort of engine work; you want something to catch all the spillover before it gets into your local septic or sewer system. Local authorities tend to frown on people spilling handwavium into the local water supply, so don’t do it!

If you practice a religion that involves a lot of ritual, don’t be afraid to do a rite or say a prayer before, during and after handwavium application! Handwavium responds well to faith and magic - some notable Fen have magic circles inscribed in the floors of their workspaces to encourage the wave.

## Safety First!

If you aren’t looking to biomod, get protective gear. You don’t have to go for full hazmat gear or anything - despite what that one episode of _Top Gear_ might tell you - but a suit suitable for painting or fumigation, gloves, goggles and a face mask will protect you from all but the most ridiculous accidental wavings.

## Applying Handwavium

The easiest way to apply handwavium to any object is to use a paintbrush or sprayer and give it a nice, even coat. Use as much or as little wave as you feel is necessary - if building a spacecraft we suggest heavy coats on any surface that’ll be exposed to space and lighter coats on the inside. Small objects can be dunked into containers.

When applying handwavium, always try to keep your mind focused on the end goal. This helps focus the handwavium as it runs from your hand to the object. This is harder than it looks, but it’s a very useful method of keeping your object from getting too many quirks at one time. Use music or videos to maintain focus during the process, though be careful not to accidentally wave your media player!

Once the handwavium’s been applied, give it 24 to 72 hours to rest. During this time the wave will work its magic on your object. Treat this like a final curing period; have media or artifacts arranged around the object while it cures. Don’t place anything inside unless you want to risk losing it, though! Handwaved objects have been known to absorb things left inside during the final curing.

## After The Waving

Congratulations! You’ve successfully handwaved an object! Now all that’s left is to clean up and activate it!

Activation will show you most, if not all the quirks the object has. Commercial strains of handwavium are certified low-quirk, which means that if you were careful in planning and applying the wave you won’t have serious problems with the handwavium acting out. However, low-quirk is not the same as no-quirk, so be on the lookout for these common quirks:

  * Music preferences
  * Changes in color during operation
  * Animalistic sounds
  * Flaming wheels (not as dangerous as it looks!)



Furthermore, handwavium applied to complex electronics runs a 1 in 6 chance of generating an artificial intelligence of C-rank or higher on the Yudkowsky Sapience Scale. Any motor vehicle made after 2005 runs a 1 in 3 chance of this happening. If it happens to you and you weren’t expecting it, please consult our pamphlet _So You’ve Just Become Dr. Frankenstein: A Guide to AI Parenthood_ for tips.


End file.
